my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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