just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
