Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
