I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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