I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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