I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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