I am in a vortex of obligation.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
