wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
my liver is dry heaving
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
