I have demons in me.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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