Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
