note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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