Got a toothbrush?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
