Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
