I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
