So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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