My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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