I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
