I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
