you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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