there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
