i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
