I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
