hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
