as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My bed smells like the plague
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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