Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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