Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
