There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
