my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
