You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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