You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
