Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
