If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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