I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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