Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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