the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
