me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
