in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
