i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
