I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
