I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
