You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
