Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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