Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Randomize
