6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
