Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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