K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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