I must be too annoying 4 u.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Randomize
