i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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