If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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