Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
